It happened. I didn't want it to happen, I tried to ignore it, I even fought against it-- but all to no avail. Yes, the inevitable has unfortunately befallen me: I've caught Royal Wedding Fever. For anyone who's not familiar with this disease, let me identify some of its symptoms, as it can be a viciously aggressive ailment that may throw your whole life into chaos:
- The victim may suffer spontaneous spasms of fake British accents.
- The victim may find herself filling her DVR with more Will&Kate documentary specials than she could ever hope to watch in one week.
- All waking hours of the victim may be spent scheming ways to procure an invitation to the event, and all sleeping hours may be spent dreaming that she is marrying Prince William on Friday instead of Kate.
- The victim may involuntarily curtsy or bow when attempting to greet friends like a normal person.
- Despite her best efforts, the victim may find that she unconsciously steers each and every conversation towards the Royal Wedding so she can spout off random factoids about the couple, including, but not limited to:
---- A dated timeline of the couple's courtship
---- An overview of the wedding's most exciting attendees
---- A heated compare&contrast session featuring Diana vs. Kate
---- Fact-supported predictions of the wedding's menu selections
---- The color of Prince William's favorite boxers
- The victim may discover that the abominable Lifetime original movie "William & Kate" is actually her new favorite movie, and she may re-watch it an inordinate number of times.
In all seriousness, it's important to catch these symptoms early, because when one hits the advanced stages of RWF (RoyalWeddingFever) like I have, all hope is lost.